Frustrated Storyteller

I love to write stories way back 10 years ago. I remember the days when I was not listening to the class discussion as I was busy writing my own stories, and sometimes even comics if I was in the mood to draw. Yes! I was able to draw before. In fact I won a drawing contest when I was in grade 1. But of course, I have to admit that this skill left me alone instantly just like a guy who leaves his girlfriend for no reason. Going back, I got to admit that I was ironically a better writer before than now. Maybe I feel that nobody reads my stories, or even do not like my stories at all. But I guess I stopped writing when my avid reader/listener ceased to subscribe to my stories anymore. And that was when my Lola died.

When I was just 10, Lola used to listen to the weirdest of all weird stories of mine. Most of the time, I drew pictures and write a short story about the picture. Lola, being very interested to my boosting talent, bought me a BIG notebook especially for my drawings and stories. I can even remember she wrote something on the first page that says: "Here lies Pya's brilliant thoughts and imaginations." Though she used to tease at my drawings by coining them mga tyanak, I could still see her being interested to everything I wanted to show and tell. Stories like "Why the Sea is Salty?", "Why do shells are in the seas?", "The Legend of Sinigang" (my favorite ulam), and a lot more.

Aside from those bedtime stories, we even had a session called "mare-mare" scheduled every weekend, when we were about to sleep. We called each other as kumare and we talk about our lives, thoughts and insights (of course those were all just imbento). Sometimes, we even sneaked out of the house to buy COKE (which was our guilty pleasure) before we start the session. This mare-mare lasted for years.

When I grew up, I felt those stories were useless and nonsense. What's the point of writing those legends, stories and comics? I became so sick and tired of writing. Until it really stopped when Lola bid us goodbye. I never had a chance to enhance my writing skills anymore, since my only inspiration and my one and only avid fan already died.

I never dream to be a writer anymore. Good thing I am still able to speak, and even think of some concepts for film and campaigns. And now, It's really hard for me to think of something to write for my portfolio in Filipino, as we are asked to write our own short story. My mind was totally blanked by my low self-esteem and confidence. Until I started reviewing the stories I wrote before. And I remembered the story entitled: "WHY DO KINGS AND QUEENS WEAR CROWNS?", it gave me an epiphany once again, as I started re-writing this story after 10 years. I just corrected the grammar and added some spices and some substories to complete the whole thought. And now, it makes me remember the past when I used to tell stories to my Lola.

I want to find that notebook Lola gave me and start re-reading my stories I've written but unfortunately, somebody threw it away when they were cleaning my Lola's room after her death. As of now, only my memories of the times I shared with my Lola keep my stories back to life again. And for that, I thank her for giving me the chance to be a writer in my own realm. I will never forget the part of my childhood days when I was able to share original and fictional stories stories at the age of 10. I can now say that those stories I had written are no use anymore. Because 10 years have passed, I can conclude to myself that I badly need to find those stories again.